Respectfully speaking

“…your stories and morals may not have practical application granny”, Hari took a deep breath.

“Why! something happened at work today nani?”, smiled Grandma. “No I mean, not just today, as I interact with more people, and have all these meetings, I get that feeling…how should I explain to you…”, Hari tried to collect his thoughts.

“…for instance, you told me that integrity and being truthful should not be compromised, of course one should learn how to convey…right…you said that, didn’t you?”, asked Hari. “I sure did…”, came the reply, “…have this first and we will talk more…”, Grandma offered a coconut laddu. “Oh yes! this helps, thanks granny”.

“Well sometimes, I feel that speaking out is being taken as disrespect…and a few from my team also tell me that they don’t want to get into conflict, so they keep quiet…”, Hari spoke quickly, as if he was afraid someone from his team will listen to this complaint.

Grandma gave a broad smile, “…I also told you that your generation tends to misinterpret the reactions and reach conclusions too soon. You should not give up on each other so soon. If you do an activity with sincerity and with no mal-intent, people will get it eventually. Even if the activity is speaking up and speaking out what you think, do it often, and make people understand that that’s who you are by nature, instead of getting bottled up and not sharing what you think is right. It may be so that sometimes, what you think is right, may not be so. And then if someone counters you, and proves that your understanding is wrong, you should be open to accept it. Focus should be on the task at hand and not on what someone is thinking about you…”

“Hmm…I guess it needs some getting used to. My previous team was different, and now this is a new group, and here I think people are slightly weird…anyway…”, Hari paused again. “Something else bothering you? and by the way, all my stories are very practical, one just needs to develop the courage to apply those morals. But this time, let me narrate a true incident instead of a story. Or is my audience less interested in real incidents?”, she winked looking at Hari’s sister entering the room. “…I think that’s even better, granny”, Hari chipped in before she could respond. “But I love your adventure stories more”, complained Jyoti, Hari’s sister.

“Well here goes, I heard this incident from my grandfather about an agricultural land dispute that happened in their village at his time…pass me some water dear”, she asked Jyoti and narrated the following incident.

My grandfather was a sarpanch (Head of a few villages grouped together in that precinct) and was highly regarded and loved by the people even from the surrounding villages. He encouraged open discussions and promoted self-governance as much as practically possible. He used to say to my father, “…always give your people freedom to speak in front of you. Never judge of crucify them for challenging your judgement, spend time to convince and encourage discussion. Allowing people to contribute and share is a very good way to make them feel connected with the larger problem, and even if the problems are not always solved, it will give them a sense of accomplishment, for having been heard, and attempting the solutions”.

“…adventure story granneeee….”, Jyoti let out a big yawn and closed her eyes. Gradma and Hari smiled at each other. She continued with the narration softly, patting Jyoti gently as the kid slept in her lap. “Very interesting granny, please continue, there is inspiration for me in this real story as much as in every story of yours”, Hari pleaded.

There was a dispute on the boundaries of the agricultural lands that overlapped with another region, and how the water supply from the river should be handled. A meeting was called to go through the facts and settle this and the Sarpanch of the other village came by to my grandfathers village along with a large group of his people. They agreed to meet at the square, hear out each other’s arguments, and take a fair decision agreeable to both parties.

I recollect the name of the other sarpanch was Sankarappa, and he was a well respected, but also most feared sarpanch in his region. “Who will speak from your side Ramaiah?”, he demanded my grandfather. “What is that so important? Okay, I will ask Raju to present our side of the facts”, he said. “Is he your son? Son-in-law? Can he talk well, I will be one taking up our case”, Sankarappa looked at his village elders and spoke in a rude tone.

“He is the farmer that is most impacted by our dispute, he understands the problem, and also the facts around the matter, we will all support him and you as well if we get to the understanding that you are correct, and we have misunderstood the situation to start with”, replied my grandfather, “..let me narrate our understanding first and I will ask Raju to share his concerns with us all..”, he added. “Very well Ramaiah, we shall see, I was expecting this to be a discussion between two sarpanchs in power, have not come all the way to speak to a farmer”, Sankarappa showed his frustration.

As Ramaiah, my grandfather tried to describe the boundaries of the lands and the consumption of the river water, Raju and some other farmers cut in between to add a few minor details, and then described in detail on how the water should be diverted, and how this will benefit Sankarappa’s village as well. “In my village, we don’t speak out of turn, don’t disrespect your sarpanch by speaking out of turn”, he yelled at Raju and others.

“Sir, in our village it is quite common to speak freely. By saying what we said, we didn’t disrespect our sarpanch, in fact we will never disrespect him even if we have to lose our lives, we just did what he always encouraged us to do”, said Somu another farmer.

I remember my grandfather telling me that through the day there was a heated discussion and from Sankarappa’s side only he was speaking, and a couple of other village elders who were adding in between based on his cues. Whereas from my grandfather’s side, the farmers spoke freely, for each other, and presented all aspects, some of them challenged every detail presented by Sankarappa, and corrected his understanding.

As the group broke for a late lunch organized by my grandfather, our village folk took utmost care of everyone from Sankarappa’s village, and ensured that they are properly fed, before they took their own lunch.

“First you humiliate us and then you enact so much care and concern, what is this ploy?”, Sankarappa questioned my grandfather.

We were respecting you when we challenged you, and we are respecting you when we are serving you sir“, said Raju, “…we are taught by our Sarpanch that if we don’t tell the truth, and support the opinion of the leader for fear or favor, that is real disrespect. Here in our village we don’t put boundaries on who should be respected, we respect everyone, even the disabled. But when it comes to challenging what is not right, we don’t hold back. It is not a sign of disrespect”, he added.

By the end of that day Sankarappa and his village elders not only agreed to the facts presented by Raju and other farmers, but also understood that by encouraging everyone to participate in the problem, my grandfather prepared all of them to understand the problem, explore the facts thoroughly, and present what is right for both parties. “I fell in love with your governance dear sir, I would like you to coach me and my elders to learn your ways of dealing with village affairs. I heard some stories of your village and your ways, but this dispute has given me first hand experience”, Sankarappa said before he took leave.

“But it is not always easy to put forth your points, isn’t it granny? I mean, what if I don’t have answers, but only questions, what if it is not my problem to solve…and things like that…”, asked Hari.

Every place – workplace or otherwise – will have it’s etiquette nani – the said or unsaid ways of dealing with matters – that needs to be understood. Once you take a note of this, then you may also take advice from your peers or others, especially when you start in a new place. Having said that, there is no reason to subdue your thought process if you think it is appropriate for the discussion at hand. Experience will teach you how well to articulate it, but only if you are willing to practice…on the other hand, not sharing your ideas will only dry them out eventually, and you will make a habit of not participating, even mentally. That is even more dangerous. That is another thing my grandfather used to say – ‘…make it easy for everyone to come to the table, and they will eventually become better men, they will learn…‘”

“And what if I end up with a set up which is not wiling to listen?”, Hari winked.

“Ugh! jumping to conclusions again! you should fundamentally believe that people are good, all of them. No one willfully tries to carry malicious intent, and subdue others. It is possible that sometimes they are misguided, entertain the thoughts of illusion of control over everything, and feel insecure if others don’t obey. But keep making sincere attempts, to understand and be understood, it works…if it isn’t working, try harder, don’t give up easy, else you will miss your learning.

“I wish we had more people like your grandfather, don’t you think granny?”

“Why do you think they are not there? Look hard enough and you will find them, and you also strive to be an enabling person in your team, as you grow up, and…now…”, she looked intently. “Yes, I get it, it is getting late, thanks for narrating your grandfather’s story granny, I like him very much, good night”.

Categories: Experiential

Tags: , , , ,

21 replies

  1. Excellent narrative, which is addressing the situation in a typical hierarchical culture that we live and work in!


  2. Most of us get this kind of thought like Hari on that most frustrated and demotivating day at work. After reading this story, it will make a mark and give a hope in those bad and demotivating times.
    Though I am blessed to have superb team and team leaders & I haven’t felt like Hari in a very long time.

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Nice story phani..


  4. Nice write up Phani
    Story reflects real time situations that we often come across and end up being frustrated.
    This one takes a positive note on how to tackle such situations and move forward with optimistic learning.


    • Very inspiring story and great narration. Thanks Phani.
      In a similar backdrop, how do we handle miscreants or members driving their own objective? It could be to flatter the sarpanch or to prove who’s more valuable or long serving in the team.
      Ramiah was fortunate to have a team who will never disrespect him even if they have to lose their lives. In the current times, having a universal acceptance from entire team is rare, especially with continuous changes.


      • Very practical question Vijender. Nothing beats sincerity, integrity and a trusting leader who is willing to genuinely do good to his/her team. Even if the team were to be genuinely bad to start with (assuming that they have the right skills, and hence are on the team in the first place), carefully understanding their insecurity/fear (which is the cause of bad behavior and resorting to shortcuts) and trying to help them see the common goal would help. As is common experience, a good team doesn’t appear suddenly but is forged over a period of time with sincere efforts. “Giving up” is not an option for anyone/any group that is set out to make a difference, the inertia of mistrust, favoritism, fears etc need to be overcome. It is also not completely fair to assume that Ramiah has been given that team, he crafted that culture over a period of time 🙂


  5. Nice one Phani. Perfect thought process that should be adopted by everyone in the current world and infact any time.


  6. Everyone should think like Ramaiah so that one day all Sankarappa’s will be changed

    Nice narration Phani


  7. Very relatable scenario and the best way to tackle such situation.
    Great One!


  8. Granny’s series are everlasting and ever relevant, beyond time and space..
    Have no words for the depth and wisdom your posts carry..
    Thank you for sharing 🙏


  9. Nicely penned
    Stay wealthy healthy safe and happy

    Liked by 1 person

    • Phani, Another interesting narration and straight to the issue we have in today’s Corp or competitive world, it may be the cultural impact that pulls us back in opening up but in today’s world it is very much needed and everyone should be encouraged !!


  10. Much needed read for me today sir.
    Very well articulated!!


  11. Grandma is an inspirational figure not only for Hari but for everyone who comes across her stories. Her experience and wisdom teaches us the essence of life.

    Hari is a relatable character found inside each one of us. We all have questions about the ways of life and how to deal with situations in the most ideal manner. Her lessons certainly make it easier to deal with them.
    Nice story!!
    Thank You for sharing🙏🏻👍🏻

    Liked by 1 person

  12. “we respect everyone, **even the disabled**”? Hmmm, given that it is from Granny’s grandpa’s time, discrimination may have been rampant! I wish everyone was as mouldable as Mr Sankarappa! But as Granny says, it is my job description to look for the good in people… 🙂 Sometimes it is buried deep, deep within! For a student of org behaviour, this is indeed an insightful post, and I relate with Granny’s observation of studying the org culture first before jumping in with one’s thoughts or before trying to push one’s agenda! Good post!

    Liked by 1 person

  13. “If you do an activity with sincerity and with no mal-intent, people will get it eventually. Even if the activity is speaking up and speaking out what you think, do it often, and make people understand that that’s who you are by nature” => Absolutely true! Instead of trying to adopt to every other situation and team based on what we think they want us to do, being true to our nature is easier in the long run (of course it takes time, patience and facing some adverse reactions initially). Good one Phani!

    Liked by 2 people

  14. A beautiful narrative blended with practicality, emotions probing the reader to reflect and encouraging to “Respect” while “Speaking” . Its a good one Phani


  15. Things like voicing your opinion ,being open to the possibilities for learning ,evolving every day are the ones which makes us a better person .most people think doing it is disrespectful when it isn’t , but it’s a disrespect to the potential best version of yourself.condemning it will bring no good but encouraging a positive atmosphere to speak is a profound effect. Such a Deep rooted and an amazing story .



  1. Respectfully speaking — Reflection – the wide blue yonder

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this: